Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
