I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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