i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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