I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
