census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
two words: eviction party
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
