you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
