The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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