So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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