We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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