some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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