I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
