i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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