I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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