Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
