Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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