I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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