If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
