I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
