He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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