She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
