Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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