whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
