So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
