well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
