oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
