All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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