No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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