Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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