I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
