K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
