that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
