just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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