she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
