you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
