Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
