I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
