she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
