i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just pee around me
Of course I have a pirate flag
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
