Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
