so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
