She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
