i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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