ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
