Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
