He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
