so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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