Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
