I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
