I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
