Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
