i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
