At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
