Im at strip club and am horny
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
