Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
