Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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