I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
