I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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