We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
