come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
