two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Randomize
