Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
