I wanna bring you to show and tell
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
