Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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